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| This blog will be closed until I can find some kind of peace and/or happiness. Thanks for understanding.
2008 ended really well. It was a wonderful year. I spent the year in South Korea and made wonderful friends, had great students and co-workers and everything was just picture-perfect. The highest point was being able to travel around in a new and amazing country and train Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu again (minus the injuries). In fact, by the end the year, one week before my birthday I accomplished my goal: I got my Blue Belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu from Wander Braga. Next in line after getting my Fulbright scholarship, the Blue Belt in BJJ was the major mental accomplishment in my life thus far.
Then things just got a little rough towards the end. I'm not really sure how I'll get out of my current jam, but I'm trying to stay as hopeful and positive as I can. If you don't know what I'm talking about it's okay because I'm not really sure what's going on or what to do either. It's just gonna take some time.
Take care.
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| So it was a little more than 48 hours ago that I took quite possibly one of the hardest tests (by that, I mean the most preparation I've ever done for a test) that I've ever taken in my life -- the LSAT -- and now, tonight, as I've finally made my return to the Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu gym I had some of the biggest news dropped onto me:
My instructor, Wander Braga (of Gauntlet Jiu-Jitsu, where I train), wants me to test for my BLUE BELT this Thursday!
This is HUGE freaking news! I have nothing but respect for the man because he is the real deal. It is an absolute honor to be nominated by him for promotion. He told me during training today -- rather, he announced it to the class. He said that he wanted to give me my Blue Belt earlier, but the fact that I didn't go to training for a while (because I cut off everything in my life to study for the LSAT) stopped him from doing so. I completely understand his position too -- it would be a serious shot to his integrity as an instructor if he gave me a blue belt and I suddenly stopped going to the gym.
So instead of handing me a Blue belt, he's going to make me test for it. He gave me a list of things that I should be able to do and said that if I can prove myself that I will be given (granted) my Blue belt.
This is really freaking amazing news!!! I'm serious! There was no way that I thought I'd be able to move up this quickly in such a short amount of time. I'm sure there were skeptics out there critical about how often I was getting promoted back in Korea, but to have such an authority like Wander acknowledge my 'ability'(?) and tell me directly to my face that he thought I was qualified and ready for a Blue Belt really boosts up my confidence beyond belief. It would be such an honor to be promoted to Blue belt by him.
He said: "I know you are ready for your Blue belt. I've thought so ever since the last times I've seen you train. You might not think so, but I know so. I know you're ready for your Blue Belt. You need this test this Thursday, man. Okay? You got that?"
I was just stunned. The entire class was stunned. I told him that I didn't believe I was ready for my Blue belt yet but he insists it and I'm gonna have to believe him. He's a professional and a name in this sport. Of course he'd know more than I do. I'm not sure what he sees in me, but I'm gonna do my best to prove him right.
It's time to work REALLY hard now! Wish me luck! WAR Thursday!
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| It is now officially the end of November and that can only mean one thing: the December LSAT is at the end of the week. It's been a really grueling two months and now we're (I'm) finally here.
So the big question: am I nervous at all?
Honestly, no. I'm not.
I started with this really stressful, fearful mindset when this all started because well, 1.) this test is really freaking hard, and 2.) it would (will) decide the path(s) that I will take in the next few years. But really, that's just a lot of unnecessary stress that can only negatively affect my scores -- so naturally, I eventually just let it all go. I'll worry about it later.
There have been enough distractions to begin with, but when it all comes down to test day and it's just me and that test in the room, I will be the one who prevails at the end. I'm not scared of this test -- plus, I can always take it again. I may not want to, and the goal is to never need to, but it's always gonna be an option, so there's nothing to freak out about. This mindset has made a huge difference in my mindset going into the test and has actually increased my practice test scores because I don't have "evil, negative energies" coming into the test with me.
I thought that a lot of my motivation originally came from the desire and drive to succeed, but what it turned out to be was actually just a strong mental block that I constructed out of the fear of failure. I was trying to prove that this test had no bearing on my intelligence and/or value as a human being. But you know what though? I was right and wrong at the same time. Although it does not necessarily prove or disprove anyone's common intelligence, I will say that it at least correlates with the thought process required to become a lawyer and that's exactly why it carries so much weight in the application process to law school. Basically: "No, you're not necessarily stupid, but you're just not ready for this yet."
And I am in fact ready (for the test). I'm honestly really excited to take it. I've put all of my time and effort into this test and I know that I have consistently tried my hardest possible at this point in life. In a sick(?) way, I can almost say that it will be fun to take the test. I've always been up for a good challenge and this test has certainly provided one; enough to the point where I had to cut off almost everything else in my life for two months already. Sparks will fly on test day.
More than anything, at least when I take it I can GET ON with my life. I'm excited for the fact that I won't have to wake up at the break of dawn and think "so which question types or reading passages should I drill today?" Instead, it's gonna be "so should I do photography or DJ after (BJJ) practice?"
I can't tell the future and I don't know how I'll score, but I do know that there are only gonna be positive things to come from it. I know that everything will be better AFTER the exam and that's what matters. I'm gonna put in that 200% that I always do and let things figure themselves out.
There's only a little time left. I'll see you on the other side.
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| Hello Everyone! Long time no see. It's been about a month since I last updated and I pretty much have nothing new to tell you, unfortunately. I can say, actually, that I am getting a lot better at this whole LSAT craziness. I really feel like I'm improving a lot - and I can make this claim because I had no prior knowledge to start with in the first place hahaha.
This test has become my life. Aside from not going out, I don't really go to work anymore (but I have an open schedule and have not been requested of to do anything, so I think I haven't been fired (yet)? I dunno) and nor do I train as often anymore. That's pretty sad, too, since I'm still technically paying for the gym (with money I already don't have to begin with). I would like to go sometime soon, at least to get my mind off of this testing thing so I don't go completely insane, but I'll just wait until I get caught up on (class)work.
Classwork? Yes! This class is no joke. There's a lot of work in this class and I can see why it's helpful. If you put in the effort to do everything, then it should pay off. It's just that there's so much, so I guess that's why a lot of people don't actually do all of it. There are repeat-takers in the class, and they've all said that they really wish they did all of the homework and stuff. I think it's best to listen to experience, so I'm not screwing around - and I haven't been anyway. Plus, I paid a lot of money (rather, borrowed) for this class! That would be absolutely STUPID not to do the work that's required. It's all on an honor (i.e. 'you choose your success') system, so if you don't do anything, don't expect anything and don't cry when you fail.
I've also been trying to rework my sleeping schedule to get me into "test mode". The test is just about a month away from now and that's just scary. I have my next diagnostic coming up this weekend, so I'll see if I've actually been making any improvements since the first one.
Alright, time to get back to my cave. Take care everyone! Bye!
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| Wow! It's already October! With today being the 5th, that means that my TestMasters (LSAT Prep) course officially begins tonight. Yesterday I took my first Diagnostic and did exactly how I expected -- poorly. Good to know though, cuz it's going to make me work a LOT harder.
In any case, I wanted to write here to say that I am taking the LSAT (Law School Admission Test) on December 6th and to announce that I'm going to be out of contact until then. I know a lot of people usually say that about things, but trust me -- I won't exist until December 7th. I seriously gotta work hard on this test. There's a lot weighing on this one exam.
Given that the LSAT is probably the only situation in the US that's similar to the entrance exam system in Asia (or at least in Korea and Japan), this test is extremely important and will decide the next direction in my life for the next few years -- and yes, I have planned ahead for various situations/outcomes. What I mean is that the LSAT comprises up to more than 70% of your eligibility towards the law school of your choice, so "not doing well" is basically suicide on your chances to get into a law school -- any law school, not just the "top" ones. Of course I'll be aiming for the highest score possible (who doesn't/wouldn't?) and that'll be WONDERFUL and all if it works out, but I've got several other plans for otherwise.. and I'd rather not delve into that right now...
I don't know how things are gonna go, of course, so we're just gonna have to see what these next few months will have to show. Please don't take it personal if you don't see me or if I refuse to go out and do things. When I "lock down", I seriously lock-things-down. By all means I'll try to hangout and get lunch or something once in a while, but don't expect me to be out all the time. Please respect me enough to let me concentrate on this test (only). Gotta work first, we'll have fun later.
Thank you in advance! Time to work harder than ever!
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